


The Process of Getting Lost

by littleblackbow



Category: Marvel (Comics), Nightcrawler (Comics), Wolverine (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Canada, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Heart-to-Heart, Lost in the Woods, M/M, Sentinels, logurt - Freeform, nightwolves, rocky mountains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleblackbow/pseuds/littleblackbow
Summary: Under threat of sentinels and without many options, Wolverine and Nightcrawler decide to get away from crowded areas to avoid civilian casualties. This is a series of heart-to-heart conversations that take place as they lose themselves on their way from California to Alberta.
Relationships: Logan/Kurt Wagner
Comments: 11
Kudos: 40
Collections: Marvel Reverse Big Bang 2020





	The Process of Getting Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlitheFool](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlitheFool/gifts).



It was just like old times.

That’s always the biggest problem.

Old times for them weren’t necessarily good. Oh, of course there were some good times mixed in those old times to make them “not-quite-entirely-awful” times. However, that didn’t necessarily mean they were good in the strict sense of the word.

Nostalgia jolted through Logan’s body in a way he hadn’t expected or wanted to ever experience again. All with that one text message. Two words.

_Sentinel Drones._

It was from Hank. A few moments later, there was an update.

_West Coast compromised._

He had been sitting in the Glasto Saloon waiting for Kurt to arrive. They had, in fact, planned to go camping for the weekend to get away from all the hostility of the city. It would be just the two of them again, just like…

“Old times.”

Logan reached into his pocket, pulled out a twenty, and tossed it over the edge of the bar. “Keep the change,” he told the barmaid as he stormed out. 

Pismo Beach is probably the most touristy spot in the entirety of California. Of course there’s Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco, and Hollywood, and even Disneyland, too; but Pismo Beach is nothing BUT tourists. It had a special place in Logan’s heart for that reason alone. Being entirely dependent on tourism for its survival, the people there didn’t care who was drifting in, what color they were, if they had five fingers or three. They knew about his claws. They didn’t care that Kurt had a tail, and they kept quiet about all of the other strange people that came in from all over the world.

It reminded him of Madripoor in a way; only it was completely pastel blue and coral pink, and had dolphins and shells on every fucking thing in town.

The people here were good. Nobody pretended to be an angel, but they did accept if one happened to stroll down the main street. They lived their lives, kept out of trouble, and they certainly didn’t deserve to be caught in the crossfire of some angry sentinels and a couple of mutants.

His phone vibrated again.

_Pickup impossible atm._

_System jammed._

Kurt had apparently received the same messages. He had just walked out of the convenience store with some provisions, and stopped in the middle of the street to check his messages. “Ach!”

Logan could hear him all the way down the block. The situation was bad. So bad, in fact, that Logan had no idea what to expect; and he’d taken down his share of sentinels on his own. Sentinels were annoying, there was no denying that, and they were tough. However, they were also large and noisy, and anyone could easily see them from a mile away, like a skyscraper in the middle of the prairie.

Quickly, he made his way over to his partner as he tucked his phone into his back pocket. Logan took the bag from his friend “Turn.” Kurt turned around. Logan unzipped the backpack and stuffed the bag inside. “We’re getting outta here before they find us.”

“Where are we going?” Kurt asked, adjusting the backpack straps.

“Out of town.” Logan pointed toward the SUV they had rented for the week. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a quarter. “Let’s flip. Heads we go north, tails we go south.”

A long blue tail swiped the quarter out of his hand. “We go east to the mountains, then north.” They jogged over to the old truck Logan had borrowed for the trip. Kurt didn’t know from whom he had borrowed it, or the circumstances; he didn’t ask.

“I don’t care where we go,” Logan said as he put the key in the ignition and started the truck, “so long as we get away from all these people.” 

Sentinels never cared about collateral damage. If it meant purifying the human race by eliminating mutants, it didn’t matter to them or the people who had programmed them how many humans were destroyed in the process. 

They made their way out of town, driving highway 101 until they reached the main highway. “If you are in the mountains, you will be in your element, mein friend.” Kurt rolled down the window and looked up at the sky. “Der sentinels will be at a disadvantage in the mountains, and drones are at a disadvantage in the woods. However, you are always at your best out in the wild.”

Logan smiled. “Are you calling me an animal?”

“Aren’t we all, my old friend?” Kurt leaned back in the seat again and stared at the road ahead of them. “I often remind myself of that fact. We are all animals, predators, and prey.”

“Hmph.” Logan turned onto the interstate heading east. “So, what would you call Sentinels? Or the drones? Are they animals?”

“They are tools.” Kurt smiled. “And as tools, they can be wielded by one and then taken to be wielded by another. Das ist das Gesetz. This is the law of nature.”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**Outside San Luis Obispo**

**4:15 PM**

“Prost!”

The two travelers toasted with bottles of beer as they sat in the bed of the truck in a truck stop parking lot just outside San Luis Obispo. There were only a few semi trucks in the sleeping area, and dozens of SUVs and cars parked closer to the plaza, itself. People were filling up their cars, going in for fast food, snacks, drinks, and facilities.

As for Logan, he parked the truck as far away from the action as he could. There was a dog walk park way in the back near a row of poorly-maintained trees. The grass was sparse, the soil was dead, and there wasn’t a dog or owner in sight. It wasn’t as far away as they would like to have been, but at least if something came after them here, they had a clear escape route away from any of the human traffic.

And Kurt could go relatively unnoticed.

“So, let’s figure this out.” Logan reached into his tool box in the back of the truck and pulled out an old road atlas dated 1998. It was badly worn and stained, and some of the pages were sticking together.

Kurt pulled out his phone and opened the maps app. “If you will allow me, my friend.” He smiled and waited until Logan put the atlas away, took another drink, and then waved his hand in a motion for his friend to continue. “First, we take 58 east to Santa Margarita.”

“Long, lonely stretch of road sounds like the perfect place to be spotted by a drone.”

“That it may be; however it is also a place where we can drive off the road to lure them away if there are people around.” He continued to draw out points from their location to Santa Margarita. Then Bakersfield, Sequoia National Park, Shasta-Trinity National Forest, Jasper National Park of Canada, and finally the Northern Rocky Mountains Provincial Forest. “It could take us as few as three days to get there if we drive normally.”

Logan finished his beer and set the bottle aside. “You’re really good with answers, bub. I know Hank is the brains of the operation, Piotr’s the brawn, and I’m the guy who does what's gotta be done… but you could be any of us, and all of us. You know that?”

“I’m not sure I follow, mein freund.” Kurt saved his notes and tucked the phone back into his pocket. “You are possibly the best tactician I’ve ever known. That… that is something I could not do nearly as well.” He leapt up and perched on the edge of the truck bed just above the rear tire. “You say we have roles as if those are our designated jobs. But as a person, both you and I are far more than those roles can define.”

Logan nodded. “Doesn’t matter. We oughtta go. The longer we stay in one place, the more chances they have to find us.”

“That’s flawed logic and you know it. If you want to get out of the conversation, all you have to do is ask.” Nightcrawler disappeared in a puff of pink and blue smoke and appeared in the cab of the truck, slouched down in the seat with his feet braced against the dashboard. 

“That was an escape move,” Logan muttered under his breath, staring at the crown of his travel companion’s head peeking over the top of the seat. “And you know it, don’t you?”

He locked down his box, tossed the two empty beer bottles into the recycling bin, and went around to the driver’s side. 

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**Near Bakersfield**

**8:10PM**

“Prost!”

Logan downed his entire beer, Kurt drank half. They both leaned back against the cab of the truck, sitting in the bed, staring up at the forest of giants that spread out before them. It was a short drive into the woods, and there were fewer tourists at this time of the year. The air was chill higher up as they approached the mountains, and other than a few birds and scampering animals, everything was quiet in the early darkness.

So far, they had seen no signs of drones or sentinels on their journey north. Of course they were merely hours on the road, and anything could happen at any moment. 

“Do you ever think about what kind of a man you might have been if you could have gone camping when you were a kid?” 

Kurt feigned offense. “Are you calling me an old man?” He turned around and hopped up to perch on the cab of the truck. “I think I would mostly be the same. Camping might have been fun, but I would not have been able to do the things most boys would do. Being… not pink… is full of disadvantages.”

“Aah,” Logan took out another bottle of beer, twisted off the cap and drank half of it. Setting down his beer, he tilted his head back and looked up at his friend. Nightcrawler’s golden eyes shone as brightly as the stars in the clear sky. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like.”

“Always being treated like a freak? You suffered similar treatment as a boy, did you not?” Kurt touched one finger to Logan’s forehead.

“I was chased out of my home. But it was a lot easier for me to hide my differences. So, I can’t really imagine if, for example, I couldn’t retract my claws, or if I was in a constant state of berserker rage.”

“It wasn’t all bad, you know,” his tail rested comfortably on the shoulder of the man sitting below. “I learned how to adapt; how to understand my strengths. I learned confidence in my differences. Sometimes I think people would be better off if they had more difficulties and less comfort.”

“Sometimes I think those who give you a hard time are just jealous.” Logan finished his second beer. The world was suffering. People were suffering. Well, most people, anyway. He wasn’t entirely sure they needed more troubles. What the human race needed was more humility.

“Why would they be jealous of me?”

“Think of it from the viewpoint of one of five billion pink or brown slugs crawling on the face of the planet, looking up at the night sky. Who wouldn’t be jealous?”

A midnight-blue tail slapped Logan on the cheek. “You don’t need to make me feel better, mein freund. I am quite confident already; some would even say a bit arrogant.”

“Oh, I dunno. I think everyone could stand to hear they’re appreciated every now and then.”

The woods fell silent. Kurt finished his beer and stared up at the stars. “Thank you.” They both knew what it was like out there; in their jobs, and in the streets. They would work to save and protect and help as much as they could, and then go home to questions of “why couldn’t you do more.” Others would take credit for the good that they had done, and leave them with the responsibility for the damage done.

Those were the old times. And even now that the X-men were scattered all over, and there was no real organization, the legacy of old times always seemed to hang around.

Even when it was just a couple of old friends trying to relax and have fun for a while.

Logan reached into the cooler and pulled out another beer, twisted off the cap, and held it up between two fingers. “Ready?”

Kurt gave him a wry smile and set his bottle down. “Of course.”

It was a game they’d invented. Sort of a chase game, but also hot and cold. Logan leaned forward and flicked the bottle cap off into the distance. In an instant, Nightcrawler disappeared, and a puff of smoke flashed about twenty feet away, and then disappeared again. 

Logan looked up at the sky. “It’s so beautiful out here.” His phone vibrated in his pocket and he checked the message. It was from Beast. A crease grew across his brow as he stared at the screen for a few moments, and then sent a reply. Just as he tucked it back into his pocket, he heard that beautifully familiar sound again.

Bamf!

“Alright, your turn.” Kurt gently smacked Logan on the back of his head with his tail. “Go fetch.”

“Right.” He nudged the other man in his stomach. “Let’s see how long this takes.”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**Tahoe National Forest**

**1:15 PM**

“So, do you know about the Donner party?”

“Is that a political faction?”

“No. More of a history lesson.”

“Ach,” Kurt ran his right hand along the edge of the window. “Then no, I wouldn’t know about it. I never learned much about history outside of Europe.”

“Not sure this is even taught in schools here.” Logan turned off of the main road through the park. “Let’s go on a field trip.”

“Are you sure we should?”

“Well, nobody’s gonna go swimming at this time of year up here in the mountains. They’re expecting snow sometime in the next few days, and I’m pretty sure the hikers will leave us alone if we’re perched up in some of the trees off the main hiking trails.” He drove the truck down the road, following the signs that pointed to Donner lake.

“So, what is this Donner party?”

Logan pulled into the parking lot at the base of the trail, and carefully backed into the parking spot directly in front of the exit. “We’ll have storytime once we find a place with a nice view.” He zipped up his leather bomber jacket with the fleece fringe, reached behind the seat of the truck and pulled out his backpack, then packed it with two sandwiches and two bottles of beer. “Let’s go for a walk.”

The path they took had been highly trafficked. Bits of litter were thrown about here and there, bike tracks were all over the edges, and there were all kinds of other scents and evidence that was so inherently human. 

However, when Logan led them off the path and into the woods, things were different. They hiked across a ridge of dense forest along the edge of some boulders, and when the forest became too dense, they opted to climb and work their way across the treetops.

Up they went across the trees until they came to a short cliff overlooking Donner lake.

“Mein Gott,” Kurt gasped. “It’s beautiful.”

“You said it, bub. See, this… this is why we do all that shit we do. We’re out saving the world from one disaster to the next, and it ain’t for the glory bestowed upon us by the human race. It’s for this. Someone’s gotta make sure this is still here in fifty years so some kids can come up here and see what this world is made of.” Logan sat on the limb, took out two bottles of beer, then hung his backpack up on another branch. “Here, catch.” He threw one of the bottles to Kurt.

Nightcrawler easily caught the bottle. “I feel like I’m looking at the face of God,” he breathed.

“Prost!”

They sat there in silence, enjoying the view, enjoying the peace, enjoying the beer. Until Logan shifted his position, took half a cigar out of his pocket and tucked it between his teeth. “I remember hearing about it as a kid. ‘Course, it wasn’t ancient history back then. I think it was sometime in the mid-1800’s there was this big group of settlers, the Donner family, decided to try to make their way out west. Well, winter hit them hard, as they were coming through here. They didn’t have enough food, and some of them started getting the chill.”

Kurt turned with his back against the trunk of the tree, one leg up on the limb, facing Logan.

“They were coming through that pass just over there,” Logan pointed to a break in the mountain overlooking the lake. “And, well, they were dyin’. So, some of ‘em ended up eating parts of the corpses to survive.”

“Cannibalism.”

“What could they do? Yeah, it was a tragedy. So much went wrong for them, and it was just one thing after another. By the time they were up here, it was pretty much too late to turn back.” He took another drink of his beer. “Whaddya think? Where’s the moral high ground here? Lotsa people at the time said that nothing could justify cannibalism. But then again, they didn’t look into the eyes of the kids that survived.”

“And you did?”

“I met one of ‘em. She was just a little kid that winter, and didn’t know anything about what was really goin’ on. All she knew was that it was cold and scary, and when they came down the other side of the mountain, some of her relatives didn’t come with them.” Logan took another swig of his beer. “That woman had every right to live a normal life.”

“But the people… they treated her badly?”

“Some did. Some didn’t. The ones who knew how hard life could be never said a word. But those who lived in privilege, sheltered from the harshness of the real world? They were awful judgmental.”

Kurt looked out at the lake again. It was so peaceful and inspiring; hard to believe such a tragedy looked over that spot. “I think I would have done the same. Morals are important, but not as important as ethics.”

“Aren’t they the same thing?”

“Nein. Morals are what society tells us we should do. Follow the rules, listen to elders, shun the mutants, traditional marriage; all the other social constructs. But ethics are about doing what is right, setting all of the other judgements aside. Ethics tell me that I can steal from the rich to feed the poor. Ethics say I can go up against the police, fight for rights of the oppressed, even if it means breaking the law. Because it is what defines me as a compassionate, understanding man.”

“Sounds about right.” Logan turned away and looked back over the lake. “I think it’s important to remember that we’re all animals. We do what we gotta do.”

Before he could finish his thought, they heard some rustling coming from the woods behind them. As it got louder, they watched as a herd of maybe a dozen elk came wandering along paths that only they knew, heading down toward their water source. Two calves walked among the herd. One of the bulls was nearly as large as their truck.

The two friends sat mesmerized, and continued to observe the herd walk along the cliff, down a slope, and out of a small copse of woods to the lake.

“How are we any different?” Kurt took another drink and then held the bottle in both hands as his tail curled around the tree limb.

“We’re far more dangerous. So we have to be more responsible.” Logan sighed. “Listen to me. I’m starting to sound like Spiderman.”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**Shasta-Trinity National Forest**

**9:45 PM**

“It’s cold.”

“I’m fine. We have been through worse, have we not?” Kurt wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.

“You know, we could always just go back into town and find a motel.”

“I think that would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?”

The night was, indeed, quite cold. In fact, they decided that it was worth the risk of building a campfire. The drones would be looking for heat signatures, anyway, and it was possible they could figure out a way to mask their own heat using the fire.

Still, when the wind blew down the mountain, Kurt felt the chill to his bones.

Snow was thick up on the glacier, and more snow would be falling soon.

“We’ll stop in town tomorrow for some better clothes and provisions. I’ll get you some heat packs and thermals,” Logan stated as he tossed another piece of wood onto the fire. “This is nothing compared to where we’re going. I reckon we better get you accustomed to the cold.”

“I am beginning to regret not telling us to go south.”

Logan grabbed two more pieces of wood and leaned them against the large log they had used as a base of the fire. He also piled several more rocks around the back of the fire in a structure that looked like the back of a brick oven. “We’ll be fine. Once these rocks are hot, they’ll start radiating the heat.”

When he had finished with his preparations, he set his backpack down behind Kurt and sat directly next to him. “Come on, if you’re cold, we’ll huddle together. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Thoughts of their old times came back to Kurt as he slid in closer and felt Logan’s arm around his shoulders. “I care not to remember some of those. Still, there was always more good than bad.”

“What did you think when you first came to the school?”

“Ach! Who is talking ancient history now?”

“I’m serious,” Logan picked up a stick and poked at one of the logs, turning the ember side toward them. “When I first got there, I didn’t know what to expect. I mean, my family, such as it was, had been dead for so many years. And then here was this group of people like me. Well, not like me, but…”

“I may have had places to be, but when first met Professor X, I thought that I might have finally found somewhere to…” Kurt shook his head. “No, that isn’t it. Maybe I can explain. There wasn’t a “me” before he found me. I was always a tool or a puppet or an oddity. I was a doll that wasn’t allowed to have a soul, but was expected to be there for others when they needed something; whether it was to be amused or abusive. I wasn’t allowed a feeling or a personality, or an identity other than what was given to me.”

Logan brought out a bottle of bourbon from his backpack and set it closer to the fire, then leaned back against his friend.

“Nightcrawler'' was a show name. It was the name of the doll I had been pretending to be. I hated it for so long, but when I discovered Kurt Wagner for the first time, with the help of all of you, I realized that Nightcrawler also wanted a place. I wanted to save that name and that identity, as well.”

“Being a mutant, we’re tied to what our abilities are. The Wolverine was just a name for me until I owned it. I guess I’ve got so many names, they’re all different personas. Logan to my friends, Wolverine to strangers and enemies; they’re all related, but they’re all part of what’s made me who I am.”

“Names are precious things, are they not? And as much as we may love or hate them, there are always memories tied to them. Perhaps that’s why I smile whenever someone talks about “elf.””

“I don’t usually admit to being happy about things. I probably don’t deserve happiness like that. But having a family and finding brothers and sisters who will count me as an equal - not as something higher or lower than them - well, that’s a pretty good thing.” Logan leaned forward to get the bottle of whiskey, but Kurt’s tail was faster. 

“It is the best thing that could have happened to someone like us. In fact, it’s one of the things that makes me believe in miracles.” He handed over the warm bottle. “Whether or not we deserve to have a family is not up for debate. Deserving things and having a right to them is not for anyone to decide. But we can humbly accept our gifts and give thanks to the people who have made them special.”

Logan smiled. “Amen to that, brother!”

“I feel warmer now.”

“It’s the rocks. They’re working to reflect the heat back toward us, and they also have a --”

“No, it is not the rocks. It is the company.”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**South of North Cascades National Park**

**6:15 PM**

They had set out early the next morning, not a hint of a drone or sentinel in sight. In fact, the longer they were on the road, the more suspicious Kurt was of the circumstances. Generally, when they received notice that someplace was compromised, they would maintain silence until they were out of the danger zone.

However, Kurt was curious why he had not had any updates or news about the sentinels. Usually Hank would send out a couple of messages with further instructions, but neither of them had received anything. That could mean that it was more than just the west coast that was compromised, but Kurt didn’t want to think about that. 

He considered sending a quick message back to his other friends, but a part of him didn’t want to know. On the surface, he thought he didn’t want to know because he was worried about everyone else, but the truth was buried deeper. Kurt looked over at the driver, studying the man’s face as he concentrated on the road. The real reason he didn’t want to know was right there. If he could have made a pocket world with just the two of them on this road trip forever, he would do it without a second thought.

They stopped in Bend Oregon. Logan bought some food and drinks at the supermarket, then went to the sporting goods store for some real camping equipment, cold weather gear, and thermal blankets. He also bought a portable gas stove and some MREs in case they needed to abandon the truck.

After that, they filled up the tank and were back on the road.

How long had it been since he’d been on an actual road trip? Kurt tried to think back to earlier days. Had he ever been on a road trip like this? Surely he and Piotr… or perhaps…

Kurt looked over at the driver again. They’d been on more missions together than he could count. They’d spent holidays together at the school, gone on vacation with the whole crew from time to time, but how often had he and Logan actually gone off on a real bonding trip together?

“You keep staring at me like that. Gotta say, it is making me a little nervous.”

“Aah, I was just thinking and needed a place to look.”

“So, then, tell me something.” It was still early, but the sun was already just below the horizon. Logan turned on the headlights.

“What do you want to know?” Kurt checked his phone again. “There is still no update.”

Logan’s jaw moved as he ground his teeth and huffed. “I don’t know. Tell me a story. Tell me about the first time you escaped.”

“Escaped? Do you mean from some enemy?”

“Or, just got away from whoever… I don’t know, I’m just tryin’ to make conversation here.”

Kurt tucked his phone back into his pocket and moved his legs to sit cross-legged in the seat. For a few moments, he stared out at the road that stretched out ahead of them. It wound around and up and down the foothills, with groves of trees and evergreen woods on either side of the road.

After a deep breath and a long sigh, Kurt took his tail into his hands and held it gently like a fragile creature. “I don’t think I have ever escaped, mein freund. Not in the true sense of the word. Escape implies getting away from something that causes pain or restricts freedom. That… I will never be able to do.”

“Look, if this is too--”

“My pain is comfortable. I have run away so many times in my life. With an ability like mine, it’s practically part of my nature. However, I doubt I will ever find freedom; and I will always have pain.” Kurt looked up at the roof of the cab. “I don’t think this is what you wanted to know, but if someone asks me about escaping, I can only think that there must be a place for me to escape to, or a place to escape from. I run to you, to my friends, to my mutant family, and there I am captured again. I can refuse to go on missions only in theory; in practice, if I say no, I know my loved ones will be in more danger, and I will remain safe. That’s a prison as much as any circus I have ever known.

“As for my pain, it brings me comfort in a way that is difficult to explain. The aches remind me that I can feel. The loss behind me is also a reminder of what I once had. Freedom from pain isn’t freedom for me, it would be numbness.”

“I… actually understand that, bub. I don’t ache for very long, and when I feel pain, it’s something I can push through. But the memory of it often keeps me going. I don’t want freedom from that. It would feel more like a loss.” Logan turned off of the highway, following the signs for Cascades National Park.

“Freedom is the biggest illusion of them all. I can say that - I was part of a circus and saw plenty of illusions. I have felt more freedom over the past two days traveling through these mountains with you than I have ever felt in my life. I would like to say that if I could have a choice of anyone to be traveling with through this world and wilderness, there is nobody I would choose over you. This affection ties me down, but it also makes me happy.”

They rode in silence for a while, driving along until it was completely dark. Logan turned at the entrance to a forestry station and parked the truck in the parking lot. He just sat there for a few moments, then took the keys out of the ignition. “You’re too good with words. But, just so you know, you are the best friend I’ve ever had, and there’s not a thing I would change about this. Other than, you know, no sentinels.” 

They got out of the truck and went around to the back to gather their belongings. “Tomorrow we’ve gotta sneak into Canada. The guy here’s a friend of mine in a way.”

Kurt put on his new heavy coat and hat, and slung his backpack over one shoulder. “So, we’re almost there?”

“We are. And the further north we go, the easier it will be to jam the drone signals. Or at least lose them in the forests. Now, I’m gonna go give the keys to Jasper in there, and in exchange, he’s gonna give us a free pass to stay at one of the stations for the night.

“You mean, we can stay indoors, with a heater?”

Logan laughed. “Enjoy it while you can, Elf. After tonight, we’re on foot, and it’s gonna get cold.”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**North Cascades National Park**

**7:30 AM**

“Prost!”

“It’s coffee.”

“Aah, must it always be alcohol to celebrate drinking with a good friend?” 

They had camped under a group of pine trees. The tent was small, but the insulating properties would help hide them from any thermal imaging cameras the drones might have had. It had been a cold night, but the body heat from two men in a small tent kept them warm enough.

Still, the morning was brisk, and frost blanketed the forest floor. Coffee was the first mission of the day. Logan stayed at camp to prepare the morning brew while Kurt set out to explore in the area.

Logan chuckled. “You’re in a good mood.”

“Aah, and for good reason, as well. It may be cold, but the chill air has a clean smell, and I have never in my life seen such a view as painted by the hand of God.” Kurt took a few steps out to the north and nodded for Logan to follow. 

The lookout point was only twenty or so meters away from their campsite. As Logan stepped out from the shelter of the trees, he wasn’t sure which was more impressive; the view of the mountains overlooking the forest, standing firm against the gusts of clouds, the flow of glaciers wrapped like a scarf around their peaks, or the enraptured look on his companion’s face as he crouched there, perched on a boulder looking across the valley beneath the mountain as if he was experiencing beauty for the first time in his life.

In many ways, Kurt’s appearance was beginning to resemble the mountain, itself. With his smooth blue skin, the stubble finally long enough to resemble a beard, and his new bomber coat with the white fleece fringe wrapped around his neck like the snowy mountain caps.

Logan crouched on the ground next to the boulder and looked out at the landscape. It reminded him of home - of the Canadian Rockies. “It is beautiful.”

“This may be as close to God as I will ever get,” Kurt said softly. He was smiling as he gazed out at the Cascades.

“I wouldn’t know.” Logan shifted his weight and sat with his back against the rock where the other man was crouching. “I don’t think there’s a place for me in God’s eye anymore. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve any of this.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Oh, just the things I’ve done, the people I’ve crossed, the choices I’ve made. They’re all working against me. And after so many years, I’m not even sure what I believe.” He tilted his head back to look into the eyes of his best friend. “You’re still strong in your faith. Sometimes I envy that.”

“I suppose I am.”

“How do you still believe in miracles after all we know and all we’ve seen and done?” It was a question he’d always wondered. They never talked much about religion, faith, or God. It wasn’t a taboo subject, but they all knew that some people were uncomfortable with the concept of a greater power creating mutants and then allowing mankind to abuse them so universally.

“I don’t know. I suppose part of it comes from the original message. You know that the Bible I read is all about tolerance. I think a lot of people have lost that through mixed messages of greed and entitlement.” Kurt hopped off the rock and sat next to Logan. “Sometimes just the fact that there was a book written thousands of years ago telling the world to accept a person such as me is enough to keep me faithful.”

“I can’t say I understand what your life must be like; not being able to blend in with humans. I don’t know but I’ve been lucky to have an ability I can easily hide.” So many of their friends could never live a normal life based on their outward appearances.

“Ja.” Kurt leaned forward, hugging his knees. “But God will forgive me. I was created by the divine hand, born of a demon, and here I am, laden with sin, but still I am given the opportunity to come up here and witness this glimpse of heaven.”

Logan understood that much. He had more than his share of sin, as well. But here he was, blessed with this indescribable feeling, like the world had been transformed, and he had been invited to witness its rebirth. “You astonish me, Elf.”

Kurt buried his face in his arms. “I do not understand why you would say that.”

The silence of the morning was broken by a strong wind pushing the trees in its haste. Logan put one hand on Kurt’s back. “You talk of sin, you talk about God. I think if anyone deserves forgiveness, it’s you. You’ve earned your redemption; and right now, your spirit is enough to make me wish I had your faith.”

Kurt’s tail twitched in embarrassment. If one could see the blood rushing to his face through his blue skin, they might not have even recognized him. “Your words are too kind, Logan.”

“Just sayin’ what I think.” He raised his hand and placed it on top of Kurt’s head. “Come on, the coffee’s probably cold by now, and we ought to pack up and start walking again.”

After Logan left, Kurt felt the emptiness of the lookout point. The mountains seemed duller, and the valley had lost its color. Even the blue sky, painted by brushes of clouds felt empty and cold. “My sins compound again. God, please forgive me. I know not what you wish for me, but please allow me to be just a little selfish; just this once.”

  
  
  


###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**Thompson Peak, BC Canada**

**7:45 PM**

It had been a long day, and a longer hike from Mt. Spickard in Washington to Thompson Peak. They had traveled as high up into the mountains as they dared for most of the trip, but the cold air, rough terrain, and light afternoon rain had slowed them down so much that they decided to go south toward Skagit Valley.

With an occasional teleport from one side of a mountain pass to the other, they had made good time, but Nightcrawler was obviously exhausted. As soon as they reached the forest again, Logan stopped, dropped his pack, and started clearing out a space to set up the tent. 

Without a word, Kurt slung his own pack off his back and sat down under a tree. He pulled out his water bottle, took a drink and then set it down, nestled between a root and some pine needles. They’d done this before when they were younger. They’d been on missions that required constant energy for days on end. However, something about the stress of an unseen enemy, the process of getting lost, and the additional confusion borne of the genuine pleasure felt from wandering the virgin forest with a treasured friend slowed both of them down.

After setting up the tent and laying out both bedrolls, Logan walked over to his buddy, ruffled the man’s hair, and pointed back at the tent. “You go rest. I’m gonna find us some meat.” He was surprised when his companion then took his hand, kissed it on the palm, pressed it against that stubbly blue face, and nodded.

“Ja, danke,” Kurt replied in a raspy voice.

A moment later, he heard the tent flap zip up, and Logan just stood there, wondering what the hell just happened. 

They had made it across the border into Canada with basically no issues at all. Even though border security had been increased over the past few years, there was no way to patrol the wilderness. Most people would use roads or trails to cross the border, but with the help of Nightcrawler, they had managed to leap from one peak to the next, essentially bypassing all security and surveillance. It had been a risky maneuver, and if there were any drones in the area, they might have been caught. However, both men agreed it was worth the risk.

Logan was distracted only for a few moments as flashes of past emotions lit up long-suppressed memories in his brain. However, the crack of a twig a short ways off brought him back to reality, and instinct mixed with hunger took control.

An hour later, as pieces of wild turkey skewered on skinned pine branches roasted over a tiny campfire, questions filled Logan’s mind. They’d been traveling for days, under a lot of stress, and over the course of their travels, they had both been on edge from lack of action and at the same time…

“I must apologize.” The sleepy man slowly emerged from the tent wrapped in a blanket.

“What the hell for?” Logan busied himself by turning the sticks of meat against a rock he was using as a makeshift oven. 

“You have gone and done all the work while I lazed about at camp.” He rubbed his year and then smoothed back his hair attempting to pull it out of his face. However, as soon as it was tucked back, stray locks freed themselves and fell to a more natural position, dangling in front of his eye. “At the next came, I shall be the one to--”

“Don’t say that. I like hunting. You were the one carrying my weight around all day. You needed the rest.” He picked up one of the skewers and handed it to his partner. “Actually, I think we should talk about our plans for tomorrow.”

“There are no drones?”

“I don’t think we need to worry about them up here. Actually, if there were any in this area, we could probably tell from the way the birds and other animals get spooked.” Logan shook his head. “But we don’t need to worry about that right now. Drones, no drones, I’ve been thinking a lot about where we’re going. After all, we’re in my old stomping grounds, so to speak, so I’ve been sorting out some options in my head.”

Kurt took a bite of meat and settled down with his back against a rock. “I wish we had more beer.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” Logan said under his breath. “We should go into town tomorrow. We need to get more supplies if we’re gonna keep moving.”

The wind blew through the trees, causing the fire to crackle. “If,” Nighcrawler whispered under his breath, staring down at his dinner. His heart sunk in his chest at the thought of their adventure being over. This week had started out as an exciting chance to spend some time with his best friend, but this kind of road trip and journey with Logan had become one of the highlights of his life.

He didn’t want it to be over.

“I have a place. It’s not very big, not… actually, not very nice. I was thinking we could go there. Maybe… stay for a while.” Logan just stared into the fire, poking the embers with the end of a stick as the spits of turkey got covered in ash. “Reckon Canada is safer than the US right now, anyway, and as long as you can handle living rough for a while, it’s an option.”

“You have never told me that you owned a home.”

“I never told anybody. I guess you’re the first one to know about it in fifty years or so.” He kept poking at the fire. “Funny you should say ‘home.’ I never thought I had a home, really. Well, except maybe the school. That was kind of a home for all of us, wasn’t it?”

“The only one I ever had outside of the church.” He took another bite of meat. “I have always wanted a home. I suppose a boarding school is much like a home, but it is not what the child-me had imagined it would be like.”

“It’s better, trust me.” Logan didn’t often talk about his childhood. “Look, I’m no expert by any means. But I’ve lived in a lot of places and I’ve seen a lot of what you might call traditional homes. The truth is that a home has nothing to do with the place where you eat and sleep. It’s all about how you feel when you’re there.”

Kurt looked up from the fire and watched the golden flames reflected on his friend’s face as he spoke. Wrinkles softened, his hair shone in the modest light of the fire, and the chill of the night air brought out color in his ears. But there was also a smile - a genuine smile - that danced across his face every now and again while he was speaking of home.

“What you feel and who is there with you. No, the school wasn’t technically a home for me all the time. But sometimes, when I needed a good friend, and you were there, it felt as close to a home as someone like me would deserve. Watching Hank dangling from the chandelier, reading one of his science books, or when Kitty would pop her head through the wall to ask some question or another… all of them made it feel like home.” Logan looked up. “And you.”

“Me?”

He pointed over to the small two-person tent pitched just a few feet away. “That thing over there is more of a home than the pile of lumber sitting empty up in my woods. ‘Cause that’s where we stay. We look out for each other. We talk. We…” he motioned to the air between the two of them, “we do this kind of thing, and it’s better than sitting around some big table in a dining room with a French maid dishing soup into our plates.”

The two men sat in silence for a while, just listening to the wind in the trees and the crackling of the fire. Every now and again one of them would reach for some more meat or a drink of water.

Both marveled at how easy the conversation had been. Talking about home and companionship and even revealing feelings to each other was nothing new to them, but lately it seemed like they were both willing to dig a little deeper and reveal a little more.

“I would be happy to stay in a house or cabin for a while.” Kurt tossed the last of the meat sticks into the fire. “Perhaps even a chance to go into town for a drink?”

“You’re gonna like it. It’s near the town of Lumby. I haven’t been there in years, mind you, but there used to be a motel near the edge of town right by a pub. We should probably go there first.”

Kurt took out his phone and checked the map. Lumby was at least 400 kilometers away, and if they were walking over the mountains, it might take days to get there. He checked his phone battery - 28%. The extra charger was nearly empty, as well.

“What’re ya looking for?” Logan moved over to sit next to him and peered into the phone screen. “Aah, yeah, it’s pretty far. If we can get down to Princeton, I’m pretty sure we can hitch a ride from there to Kelowna. There are plenty of trucks goin’ in and out of town.”

“Kilowna’s a good size city. Do you think it’ll be safe?” Kurt turned his phone off to save the battery, tucked it into his pocket, and then looked up. It was then that he noticed just how close the two of them were sitting. Logan’s arm was behind his back, and his head was right next to Kurt’s shoulder. “Um, I mean…”

“Canada has a ban on sentinels; none of the giant idiotic mutant mashing machines will come into town while we’re there. As for the drones… well, I’m not worried.”

“I probably should let you know, although I’m not one to boast, but me and the rest of Alpha Flight are kind of heroes to Lumby in a way. We took care of their wendigo problems a few decades back, and, well, people up there remember.” As Logan spoke, his face softened and his worry lines turned into a smile as he remembered his old companions.

Finally, Logan stood and stretched. “Well, now that that’s settled, and we’ve had something to eat, we might as well close down for the night. It’s a long walk tomorrow, and hopefully tomorrow night we’ll have a real bed to sleep in, and you won’t be stuck on the hard ground next to a smelly old man.” That “smelly old man” began shoveling dirt onto the fire using a large, flat rock. The only smells around were of campfire, pine, and the fresh mountain mist that was just starting to gather in the chill of night.

Standing, Kurt brushed himself off, tightened the blanket around his shoulders and stared affectionately at his companion. “I have never complained about time spent with you, mein freund. And I never will. Every moment is a treasure, as well you know, and even if we were to spend our last moments trapped together in that tent, I would still consider it a highlight of my life.”

The other man just stared up at him for a moment, taking in those sincere yellow eyes, the midnight skin that seemed just an outline in the starry canvas of the sky. He could only think of the word “ethereal.” After staring just a little too long, he moved his gaze from the heavens back down to the dirt and chuckled. “Get to bed, Elf. We’ve got a long walk tomorrow, and you’re gettin’ all sentimental on me.”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. ^o.o^ ~~ >**

**Hope, BC Canada**

**4:50 pm**

“Prost!”

As two old men sat at the table behind them, and the news flashed across the television screen up in the corner, the two old friends lifted their mugs of draft lager, freshly showered and shaved and settled in relative comfort again.

They had packed up camp before dawn, and, with a generous amount of teleporting down the mountains, had arrived in Hope just after noon. The lady at the Foothills Motel assured them that the people in town bore no ill will against mutants and even went so far as to recommend the Hat Trick Pub. “Donnegal Brady is one of you, too. He don’ care what color ya are, how many heads ya got, or what yer hidin’ under yer skin. So long as ya don’t cause no trouble.”

“Well, my good lady, trouble is the farthest thing from our goals at the moment,” Kurt assured her, turning up the charm. “We just want a beer, or three; and maybe some food and rest after hiking the last 800 kilometers.”

Logan downed half his pint and set it back down on the bar; he looked at home. The old men at the table started talking about a hockey game beginning soon. A couple of workers on their way east to the refineries came in and ordered some sandwiches and drinks. The news chattered on and on about global politics and international trade.

Such normalcy was bliss for the two men. 

Then Kurt looked up at the television. His face turned dark and his body tensed. There, on the screen, was a news clip of Pope Francis giving his support for civil unions between same-sex couples in a controversial documentary clip.

“Hey, are you okay?” Logan asked as he reached out and held his friend’s trembling wrist.

“I’m… yes.” Kurt stared down at Logan’s hand and then looked into his beer. “I’m just surprised.” His shoulders relaxed and he couldn’t help but smile. Then, the smile turned into a chuckle, and then laughter.

One of the things Logan loved most about Kurt was how freely he could express his happiness. The joy in the man’s face was infectious, and the way the locks of wavy black hair fell into his face, could always lighten his heart and lift his spirits.

“You don’t know, do you? You don’t know how important this is.” Kurt leaned closer and placed his other hand on top of Logan’s. “The church has accepted me as a mutant. They have accepted me as demonspawn, but now…” As he leaned back again and ran both hands through his hair, he began to laugh with tears welling in the corners of his eyes. “Mein Gott, das ist mein Gebet.”

What could he do but smile? Logan picked up his glass and took another drink. “I’m a little bit lost here, but it is good to see you so happy.”

“I apologize, my dear friend. But I have prayed for so long, and for every day to come along with more ice and more snow, to see it finally melting is such a joy.”

“You’re talking about the news? What… I wasn’t listening closely. What did they say?” Logan cradled his glass in his hands.

“The Catholic Church has been… unsupportive of same-sex couples for so long. Some countries still practice excommunication and imprisonment for anyone found to have any sort of relationship with someone of the same sex. But now… NOW… If the pope says that it is acceptable, then the church must go along with what he says.”

“That’s great, Elf.”

Kurt leaned forward with one elbow on the bar and brought one foot up on the edge of his seat. When he was happy, his entire body showed it. “It means that if I ever found a man who could love me the way that I am, knowing all there is to know about me, then there is a possibility…”

“What do you mean, _if_? You already got one.”

The two friends stared at each other, then Logan looked down into his beer and smiled. “There’s no _if_. You outta know that by now. There isn’t a thing about you that I don’t love, and I don’t care about the time or the place or who else might be listening or lookin’ at us, but I would choose you as a companion and lover every single time over any other living creature in this world.” He looked up again and tilted his head. “So, there’s that.”

The old men were still talking about hockey. The younger men had received their lunches and were eating them while chatting about diesel engines and boring equipment. A group of four young women entered the bar and sat in the corner near the dart board.

Kurt nearly fell off his chair as his foot slipped, and caught himself by grasping tightly on the rail. “Nein,” he whispered.

“Or, you know, maybe I’ve been reading you wrong this past week. But I really don’t think so… not with the way you look at me as if you’re starving.”

“Nein.”

“Ja.” Logan closed his eyes and downed the rest of his beer.

“Am I allowed? Can I be this selfish?”

Logan put his glass aside and patted the other man’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s go.” Throwing down some cash, he knocked on the bar and waved at the barman. “Thanks, bub! We’ll be back.”

“See you, then!” Donegal replied over the steadily increasing noise in the bar. 

Logan slouched into his jacket, then held up Kurt’s with raised eyebrows. “Well?”

“They are matching,” Kurt whispered. It was the first time he’d noticed that.

“I was a little surprised you never said anything.” He tossed the jacket over the other man’s head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Come on, we’ve still gotta do some shopping before we go back to the motel. And I gotta buy us a couple ‘o bus tickets.”

As soon as they were out of the pub, Kurt grabbed Logan’s arm. “Wait, you…”

“Let’s have this conversation back at the motel. I would love to stand here in the middle of the street and confess my undying love for you, but it might make some of the folks around here a little uncomfortable. Especially since we’re already drawing a lot of attention.” Logan patted the other man’s face.

They walked down the road together, wearing matching coats, Logan leading the way. Kurt took his hand. “I want to kiss you,” he said.

“Wait ‘til we get to the motel.”

“It would be okay, though?”

“Motel.”

“But that’s a yes. And we will share a bed?”

Logan chuckled. “You’re doin’ this on purpose, aren’t you, Elf?”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. <3 ^o.o^ ~~>**

**X-Mansion**

**11:30 pm**

“They haven’t checked in yet. Have you heard anything?” Rachel stood in the doorway with her arms crossed, leaning against the wall.

“Who is ‘they’?” Beast didn’t look up from his work, continuing to monitor the nanobots through the microscope viewfinder.

“You know who I’m talking about, and you don’t seem worried at all. After we sent the ‘all clear’, Wolverine and Nightcrawler never checked in.” She took a few steps closer, arms still crossed. “You know something.”

“I know a lot. If you have specific questions, perhaps you might ask them and I shall offer specific answers. Do I know what happened to them? Yes. Am I at liberty to share that information? No.” He turned to look at her over the rim of his glasses. “They are, for now, off the roster. Safe, but not to be disturbed.”

“What? Why?” 

“Again, I am not at liberty to say. What I will tell you is that the moment we sounded the all clear, I sent a message to Wolverine. They were somewhere in the Rocky Mountains, and he reported that they were perfectly safe. At that time, he requested a two-week hiatus. I saw no reason to deny them.” Beast looked back down to the monitor as the nano-bots were carefully reconstructing a strand of DNA. “I’m sure some of the new recruits can help fill in for them.”

“Two weeks?”

“I strongly suspect it shall extend longer than that.” The nano bots were performing far more efficiently than he had originally predicted.

“So, you know where they are?”

Beast looked up again and raised one brow. “I know they are in a place where they wish not to be disturbed. We can manage without them and send a card for the holidays. Other than that, we will wait until they choose to return. They took a long time to get lost. It doesn’t make much sense for us to find them again so quickly.”

  
  


###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. <3 ^o.o^ ~~>**

**2:00 pm**

**Traveler’s Motel**

**Lumby, BC Canada**

“I need to make a confession.” Logan dropped his backpack on the chair in their motel room and stretched his arms over his head. They had ridden five hours on the bus with only one stop along the way.

“I believe there is a Catholic church on the other side of town. I will check when my phone is charged.” Kurt dropped his backpack on the floor just inside the door, then came up behind Logan, wrapped his arms around the man’s waist and pressed a kiss into the back of his neck.

“Not that kind of confession. I’m still not sure I wouldn’t be struck down upon setting foot inside a church.” He turned around and looked up into those golden eyes. “I suppose you should know that we’re off the roster.”

“Was meinen Sie? Did we do something wrong?”

Logan looked up at the corner of the ceiling and squinted his eyes. “Wellll, that’s actually only the first part of the confession. Since you already know I’m not that great at tact, I’ll just tell you. I got a message from Blue maybe the second day out. He said the drones had been neutralized, and we could return. I told him to get stuffed, that we weren’t coming back anytime soon.”

“You did not.”

“I did.”

“Why would you do such a thing, mein…” Kurt paused. What would he call Logan now? Freund?

“Because I’m a selfish bastard and I didn’t want it to end.” Logan closed his eyes and placed a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “Because the thought of going back and having everyone else around you while I’m sent off on another mission of death just turned my stomach.”

The two men stood there in silence for what seemed like minutes. Finally, Kurt brought his arms up and cradled Logan’s face. He smiled and then gently pressed his lips to the man’s forehead. “Then we don’t go back. Then we stay here and we make a new life, and you and I will do things our way… liebchen.”

###  **.|.|.|. .|.|.|. <3 ^o.o^ ~~>**

Bonus: Epilogue

**Lumby High School,**

**Lumby, BC Canada**

**2:45 pm**

“Mr. Howlett? You wanted to see me?” Anna Crowquill was a junior at Lumby High School. 

“Yeah, take a seat.” The P.E. teacher moved the box of new basketball jerseys off the sofa onto the floor and motioned for her to sit. “First, let me start by sayin’ yer not in any trouble.”

He waited until she sat, then picked up his phone and sent off a quick text message. Tucking his phone back into his pocket, he brought his chair over in front of her and sat down. “Rumor has it, some of the things you touch end up getting burned.” She had recently had a run-in with one of the school bullies, who was, shortly after, sent to the hospital with acid burns down her back.

The color drained from her face. “I… I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m so sure that’s a lie, I am willing to stake a bottle of 25-year McCallen on it.” He raised an eyebrow and put both hands on his hips. “So, let’s just pretend you told me the truth, and I’ll get straight to the point. You know my partner, right?”

“Um… the blue guy?” Anna felt a little embarrassed. Of course everyone in the school had been spreading rumors about their P.E. teacher being gay. And then there were all the times he’d been seen in town with that blue guy with the yellow eyes. However, not living in town and not having seen any of this herself, she had thought it was just a bunch of kids running their mouths… until she looked down and noticed the gold band on his finger.

“Yup, the blue guy. You’ll meet him pretty soon.” Logan smiled. “We’ve been watching you, and wondering if you might not want some private lessons to learn how to control that power of yours.” 

In the corner of the office near the filing cabinet, there was a soft “bamf” sound. Anna looked over to see a tall, blue figure with bright yellow eyes, a full black beard and wavy black hair. He was walking toward them, his tail gently swaying behind him. “Aah, is this she?” He leaned down and wrapped one arm around Logan’s shoulders.

“Yup.”

Anna fidgeted with the strap on her messenger bag. “I… I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

“Please.” Logan slowly extended the claws on one hand a few centimeters. “You’re talking to a giant blue elf and a man who has metal for bones with claws that pop out when he feels like whittling on a stick. I think we can have a bit of honesty here.”

Anna looked terrified.

“You are scaring her, liebchen,” Nightcrawler said softly. He placed a quick kiss on Mr. Howlett’s temple, then leapt up to perch on the desk just behind him and folded both arms on top of his head. “Fear not, young one. We are both experienced teachers. You see, we have been talking about starting a school for youngsters such as you.”


End file.
